All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
