Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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