i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
