why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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