You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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