i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
