my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize