Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
