The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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