ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
