i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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