I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The air was thick with penises
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
