you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
