I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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