i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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