Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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