How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
