I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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