i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
