Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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