Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize