OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
