God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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