He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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