Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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