we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
