I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
