guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
