youre lurking in front of me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
