it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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