You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
