Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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