never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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