it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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