Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
