Fuck appropriateness.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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