What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
