I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
