At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
