She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
