I want to stick my p in your. b.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
