cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
