had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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