cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
