I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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