I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
