i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
