he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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