Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
