Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My bed smells like the plague
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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