Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
