My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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