she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
