I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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