i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
